Trusting God's Timing
- JuliaTimlin
- Feb 7, 2019
- 5 min read
There are very few things in my life that I can say that I know with 100% certainty.
Wawa is the best place to get a hoagie in the world (or "sub", if you’re not from Philly).
The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell
God is good
But this post isn’t about hoagies or even about some useless biology lesson we all got in middle school that will follow us probably forever. Today I’m gonna focus on that last one (@ me later for why Wawa is superior).
End of summer 2018, God called me to the opposite side of the country to work at a small college in Alaska. I didn’t plan that. I never once woke up and said “I think I’ll move to the top of the world! That’d be fun!” In retrospect, I had vastly different ideas of what my life would be looking like, two years out of community college at the ripe age of 23. I had dreams to be living abroad in South Korea. With reckless abandon, I found myself shooting at targets that I couldn’t see, just to be where I thought I should. Like with most things in life, I was very wrong.
Wrong, but in a much more God-centered and incredible way, so, so right! Because WOW!! Alaska is wonderful! I couldn’t have dreamed up a more awesome and beautiful place. My time here, though only a few months so far, has given me some of the most painful and heartbreaking nights of my entire life, and yet, I am reminded every single at how great my God is. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else, doing any thing else. The students and staff at Alaska Christian College are like my second family. God is good. Blessing upon blessing, I’ve found myself surrounded by so much joy! God brought people into my life that have changed me, that have loved me, and that I have loved deeper than I’ve ever loved before!
Sometimes, I’ve learned that when life feels too perfect, I tend to want to self-destruct. Most people think that’s mmmm crazy? Yeah that’s a good word for it. But I feel like I’m wired to thrive in dysfunction. It’s been my life for as long as I can remember. I’m good at being in chaos. Some sick part of me prefers it. That’s for a different entry though. What I’m getting at is, God had given me everything I prayed for.
A loving community full of people who want to know and love God
A chance to connect with college age men and women, and be a leader, mentor, and friend to them
Better relationships with my family members
An over abundance of creativity
A relationship with someone whom I loved very much and who cared just as deeply for me
I was on top of the world! Literally and figuratively! Over the moon with joy and love and light! And still, sometimes, God can do all of these things — He can show you everything you’ve always wanted — and then He can take it away.
As of three days ago, I am finding myself in a season of heartbreak. Loneliness. Loss. A relationship that I had hoped would be wonderful had fallen short of some (admittedly, naive) expectations. And don’t get me wrong!! It was wonderful! I loved this person very much and I still do! But sometimes that isn’t enough. Long distance, ya know? And yeah, when I think about it, maybe he and I rushed into things, hoping that our deep love for one another would make a difference, but God is very funny. God knows what is best, even if we don’t like it. Kinda like vegetables or exercise. Maybe we don’t LOVE those things but they’re good for us so we deal with them anyway. And kind of like my relationship with core day, or beets, God saw that I needed to do better before I could have the results that I so desperately want. I cannot love the person that I love from 1,000 miles away, and he cannot do the same for me. At least not now, and while that sucks and it hurts, and I’ve cried too many nights in a row, God sees this pain and ya know what? He’s still there and He’s still good.
So here I am, heartbroken and saying how good God is. So many people may think I’m naive or a hopeless optimist, and while that may be partly true, the whole truth is,
God never stops being good, even in the chaos.
His timing is perfect. Mine is selfish and messy. Whatever His will for me, I am starting to learn that I simply have to trust Him. Lean on Christ when I don’t understand. And wheeew believe me I don’t understand A LOT! Trusting God is hard, especially through heartbreak. So many things can drive a wrench in the trust.
But he was so perfect for me! Why would You give me such a great relationship only to rip it away?
Why isn’t this working?
Why can’t I have what I want?
I was so happy! How could that possibly be a bad thing?
I don’t have those answers. Good thing too, because if I did, I wouldn’t need to trust God. Through learning to trust however, I can attempt to answer those questions.
I like to think that God gave me something I wanted to show me that it isn’t nearly as perfect as what He has waiting for me. I think God is telling me to wait. Not now. Just hold on and be patient. Let go.
Patience. Trust. Maybe this boy that I love is going to be a part of my future. Maybe God simply needs us for other, more important things first. Maybe God has someone else for me and I will look back in later years and be so thankful for the work he’s done in me, through this. Whatever the case, I have to wait. Learning to trust God in seasons of disappointment can be difficult. Sometimes I want to be in control, and I think that I know what’s best for me. You’d think, a failed, toxic relationship, several failed auditions, and a move to Alaska later, I’d know by now that this is false. God is in control and He is telling me to wait. To listen to Him. To focus my heart and my attention on Him and in His perfect timing, things will be ok.
No, they’ll be more than just ok. They’ll be great.
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