No Pasa (Gra)Nada

I have an adventurous soul.

A blessing and a curse, really. I cannot sit still no matter how hard I try. No matter how content I am in my current situation, I will always need a jump start into something new and wild. Pennsylvania is too small for me. I need more. More. More. More.

What is my problem? Haven't I been told time and time again that I have enough? That God provides for me? That I don't need to stand on top of a mountain and scream my head off in order for my life to mean something? I know these things, so why do I still chase this insatiable wanderlust?

I am hungry. Hungry for views beyond my small city. Hungry for cultures I haven't tasted yet. My portion came in a missions trip to Granada, Spain. English Camp. "That's what I need," I told myself. My ESL goals and my travel needy soul can be fed in this ten day missions trip. God put this in my life for a reason and my selfish heart said that it knew why. This trip was for me and my desires. Obviously.

God is so funny. I tell people this all the time and they look at me like I have four heads because when people usually describe the all powerful Maker of the universe who loves us so dearly, they tend to use these awe-inspiring words like magnificent, omnipotent, matchless, glorious, and powerful. Compassionate, wise, humble. Those are God words. And here I am, on blast, saying that the Lord is funny? Well friends, He is. The Lord of all, whom I prayed to every night for some dumb boy to be a part of my life somehow, decided to say "yeah, sure. Here have him." And he married my cousin. This wonderful God brought me everything I was looking for in a partner, and shipped them off to San Francisco to do His work. God is funny.

And his laughter rang off of every mountain that surrounded me in the beautiful city of Granada. As I boarded my flights and sweated my ass off to get this English Camp rolling, I was quick to learn that my heart was stubborn and clouded by my own selfishness. Foolishly confident in my Spanish speaking abilities, I was thrown into situations that tested my skills, but more readily, my ego. The nuns in the convent where we stayed were gracious enough to help me out when I'd fall short with my vocabulary. Confidence became self-consciousness as I powered through some very fractured sentences until I finally had to admit to myself that I wasn't as good as I had originally anticipated. Even as camp started and I was placed with the teens, I heard God saying "This isn't what you wanted, is it?" and admittedly, I was ok with that. My God...my very funny God, took me into a situation that I was unsure about and He made it clear that I wasn't in control. And that is such a blessing.

I could talk forever about Spain and about all of the things that God taught me while I was there. Maybe I'll write a song about it. We shall see. But the one thing that I will share with you all is this:

I am not my own. God did not send me to Granada for me.

I was there to love the people and the city. I was there for Him,

and nothing that I did or accomplished in those ten days was

through me or my own doing.

I may be talented and kind, but those gifts come from God. My life doesn't have to be #views for me to be happy. I was happiest when I was loving the campers and building relationships with them. I felt that hunger for more more more until I realized what my soul needed. Not the sky, the sea, or the peaks, but God. I was hungry for Jesus! DUH! How absolutely selfish of me to believe that my heart desired anything less than the love of Christ! So maybe a view and a new place for my head to rest at the end of the day is what I crave in my heart, but my soul will find joy in Christ. That is enough.

#god #granada #spain #selfreflection